Sometimes when I’m on a dating site, I’ll see a profile, “I’m looking for a boyfriend.” Going as far back in something like 1995 or 1996 I was subscribing to this very specific magazine for metal fans and in the pen-pal section, guys would write that they were “looking for a girlfriend.” I’ve always instinctively read it the same way: their significant other is missing, have any of us seen them? What they mean of course is “I’m looking for someone to date who would become my boyfriend/girlfriend.” I don’t know if anyone else has the same thought I have when seeing that written anywhere. Silly.

The pen-pal section was odd and in retrospect I thought NOTHING of opening my life to some weirdo who also liked Metallica as much as I did. And I was emailing people all the time, making friends that way. Remember email? As an effective communication tool to replace sending a letter? I had an email back and forth with someone somewhat local to me. I had gotten a copy of “2×4” that Metallica played at some festival long before Load came out. Somehow this wasn’t on the radio non-stop since people were, then, HUNGRY for new Metallica, and had no idea what the next album they were working on would be like. Anyway, I was like “yeah, I got 2×4,” and he begged to come over to copy it. And he did. We were roughly the same age. He said “I never do this, I never go to someone’s house like this,” and I didn’t realize until MUCH LATER that people shouldn’t just go to each other’s homes on a whim without maybe getting to know each other first. Then again, I’ve been dragged to various scuzzy people’s homes thanks to some deadbeat friends and thought nothing about it (my safety) beyond “I hope I get to go home soon, these people are awful.” Anyway I was friends with that guy for several years but haven’t heard from him in a long time, for what reasons I don’t know.

“SPIDERS ARE HELPFUL!” news SOON. THIS WEEK. BE EXCITED!